


lost until i found you

by paranoidandroids



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Drabble, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Post-Finale, T.J. POV, Tyrus - Freeform, and a dash of angst for flavor, it's about the h a n d s, post-bench scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-21 08:42:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19999096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paranoidandroids/pseuds/paranoidandroids
Summary: TJ watches Cyrus's expression soften, knowing his own eyes betray the relief of this moment, and his words come out when he remembers how to take a breath."I've liked you since the moment I met you."Cyrus stills, and his lips slowly curl into a small smile. He tightens his grip on TJ's hand. "God," he chuckles softly, "how am I supposed to topthat?"Or, in the aftermath, TJ and Cyrus fill in the blanks.





	lost until i found you

"Since when?"

TJ breaks from his nervous haze, his heart still pounding from what happened moments before: Cyrus, next to him, antithesis incarnate to _Scary Basketball Guy,_ the Underdog, TJ's best friend--and between them, their hands, fingers interlaced, and all TJ can think is _friends do not hold hands like this._

"Huh?"

Cyrus laughs, and it's so dorky and genuine it makes TJ want to sit on this bench and make Cyrus laugh for the rest of time. He goes silent for a moment, gently tugging at TJ's hand. "Since when have you felt _this?"_

TJ feels his stomach sink, its instinctive reaction whenever he thinks of his feelings for Cyrus. Confusion and euphoria all at once, hysterical butterflies tethered down by anvils and falling endlessly. He'd spent weeks after the dreadful realization wondering _why_ and _how_ and _is this supposed to be happening?_ with nobody to ask about it. He had never had feelings for anybody before, not until Cyrus appeared--didn't even realize he liked boys, which felt gargantuan to tackle on its own. It all felt so wrong. _But it's Cyrus,_ he'd reasoned, Cyrus, who's demure and larger-than-life all at once, an overflowing chalice of compassion and tenderness and witty comebacks, the light of TJ's world. What could possibly be wrong about loving a person like that?

He watches Cyrus's expression soften, knowing his own eyes betray the relief of this moment, and his words come out when he remembers how to take a breath.

"I've liked you since the moment I met you."

Cyrus stills, and his lips slowly curl into a small smile. He tightens his grip on TJ's hand. "God," he chuckles softly, "how am I supposed to top _that?"_

TJ pouts, shoving him jokingly. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I just mean I don't think I can be that romantic in one sentence."

"I was only being honest," TJ explains coolly, but his reddening face forsakes him. He's almost nervous to ask, but does anyway. "Well, what about you?"

Cyrus looks up at the stars, quiet for a moment. They hear a car honk in the distance, then the muffled sounds of goodbyes and see-you-soons as the party inside winds down. Cyrus fidgets with his jacket zipper with his other hand.

"Remember the first time on the swings?" he asks.

TJ hums. He'd been nervous walking up to Cyrus that day, which was immediately quelled after hearing Cyrus performing _Mother Goose_ about riding the swings and going down the slide. He then proceeded to swing Cyrus so high that only dogs could hear his screams of gleeful terror. _The most exhilarating thing I've ever done,_ he'd remarked to TJ later.

Cyrus takes a deep breath. "You were the first person to force me that far out of my comfort zone," he continues. Then, he laughs, "I thought it was a fluke, that you were just being nice to me that day. I thought I was silly to think anything of it. But then you did it again. And again, and again, and again."

His thumb traces circles over the back of TJ's hand. "I wasn't sure I'd ever tell you," he says quietly, his eyes moving downcast. "There were times I was so sure, you know? And then there'd be times where I'd think, _You're being delusional, Cyrus. He probably isn't even gay."_

TJ tenses at the last word; he's still coming to terms with it, waiting for it to come to form on the tip of his tongue but unsure of how. Is this what Isaac Newton felt like when he discovered gravity? A secret in his head so big he didn't know how to share it with the world? He admires Cyrus for it, his forthright realism and self-acceptance, and wonders what his journey has been like--has he been angry at God? Has he cried at night? Has he told anyone he loves?

And suddenly TJ's heart swells even more, wondering how much more about Cyrus there is to learn.

"But something always nagged at me," Cyrus goes on, eyeing TJ knowingly. "I like you so much it hurts sometimes. I was terrified of getting hurt. I could have walked away. But you were so different from anyone I'd ever met before. Something inside kept telling me, _Don't let this one go."_

"Cy," TJ laughs, flattered, with a smile so big it's reflected in the one on Cyrus's face.

They sit in comfortable silence for a while, watching the stars, watching each other. Even with the fire the nighttime breeze bites and chills, and both are thankful they have jackets; the simple act of holding hands is enough of an overwhelming intimacy to behold. They've shared friendly hugs and handshakes and chest bumps before, and suspiciously numerous instances of fingers brushing and shoulders bumping when they walk, but nothing has ever felt like this--with the added comfort of knowing neither one wants to let go. Their fingers untwine and intertwine lazily, grazing the soft skin of each other's hands, an exploration of this newfound form of affection that feels both so nascent and so familiar, and just so _nice._

TJ shifts on the bench so he's facing Cyrus, starts tracing Cyrus's palm with both hands, and inhales sharply, pensive.

"I'm… kind of scared," he admits. His voice is barely above a whisper, vulnerability tugging his words back. He looks at Cyrus and expects the same fear, but Cyrus beams back at him with reassurance.

"I know, Teej."

"God, does it always feel like this? Being this afraid?"

"It won't."

"But…"

"You underestimate how much people care about you," Cyrus says with a comforting grin. "Me included."

TJ deflates slightly with relief. It feels like he's forgotten how to breathe all evening, but he's slowly getting it back again. No matter how far he still has to go to understand himself, he's just happy it's here with Cyrus.

Wordlessly, Cyrus inches close enough to TJ that their knees touch. Then, with just as much intention, he rests his head carefully on TJ's shoulder. For a moment TJ's breath pauses-- _so much for remembering how to do that_ \--and all he can think about is how reluctant he is to leave this shared little space, Cyrus-and-TJ and the catharsis it brings him, the authenticity it affords him. He and Cyrus could be staple gunned at the hip and he wouldn't complain. When he buries his cheek in Cyrus's hair, he's dizzied by the closeness of the familiar scent of Cyrus's shampoo.

"I'm so glad it's you," Cyrus says, his voice sounding like he could fit in the palm of TJ's hand. "So relieved it's you."

TJ closes his eyes and breathes in, as if he can't contain his heart from bursting otherwise. "Cyrus Goodman," he murmurs lazily, the words muffled in a blanket of rapture. "You make me the happiest person on Earth."

"You make me happier, Thelonious--"

"Don't."

**Author's Note:**

> a tiny thing i HAD to write POST HASTE after the finale
> 
> title is from "lost" by end of the world + clean bandit, aptly released on the 26th of july 2019 aka international tyrus day (full disclosure: i listened to this song after watching the finale and it made me cry,, listen at your own risk)
> 
> come follow me on tumblr! say hi @[kippenmittens](http://kippenmittens.tumblr.com)


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